Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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