Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
