you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
