I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
