ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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