Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
