We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
