Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
