I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
