you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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