i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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