The maid of honor just puked.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet he comes in French.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
