FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
