well I can't set my house on fire every night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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