Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
