Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sober January is a disaster.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
