you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
