So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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