respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
