Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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