Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
