don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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