do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
