I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
