I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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