Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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