i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
