Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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