there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
