I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
