My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
