Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
