I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He did a backflip because drugs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
