Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
