do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
