i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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