Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
