Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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