I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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