Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
