she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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