dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
