goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
