My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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