Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
