Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
