The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
