I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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