I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
