what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
