I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
