We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
